


One Desire

by SeparationBoundary



Series: One Desire [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Drunk Feitan, F/M, Feitan almost cooks Phinksy and Danchou, Fluff, I mean really ooc, OOC Feitan, fluffy fluffly fluff fluff, hopelessly in love Feitan, the Feitan wants what the Feitan wants
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 23:12:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10954695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeparationBoundary/pseuds/SeparationBoundary
Summary: Feitan has a crush.  Will he get his girl?  As time goes along he gets in deeper and deeper until he can't recover.  Feitan is now in love.  The girl?  Does he get her?Yes ... and then he makes the ultimate mistake.Can Chrollo and Phinks, his best friends, save this relationship?And what does Hisoka have to contribute?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OK, so I decided to write a fic where Feitan was all soft, sweet, and fluffy. I don't know what I was thinking. But he IS adorable.  
> I know this is totally against his character. Please, bear with my follies.  
> Also: When Feitan is emotional he refers to himself in third person. My headcannon is that as he gets more passionate, (scared, angry, etc) his grammar suffers and he begins to revert to calling himself "Feitan" to assure understanding.  
> Also(2): I know nothing of either Chinese or Japanese Cuisine. I researched as best I could and if I've made a mistake, please correct me!  
> (sorry for the long notes)

F x OC - One Desire

(chapter one)

 

Previously:

“What do you mean Feitan's not here?  Feitan's always here,“ Phinks said, frowning thunderously. Shalnark shrugged. 

“Did you send him on a job, Danchou?”

Chrollo, leader of the Phantom Troupe, regarded his friend and underling gently. “Phinks. It was me who asked for him. “

The big man flushed. “Oh. Right. “

“He's been doing this a lot lately,” Shalnark said, “slipping out and back in again.”

“I've noticed that,” Chrollo murmured. 

Now:

“Feitan.“

The small man actually jumped and Chrollo took that as a sign of how distracted he was. 

“Danchou!”

“Now that you’re back, can you and I talk a bit?”

Feitan looked around quickly and furtively like a trapped mouse. Members of the Troupe lay sprawled around the warehouse hideout,  sleeping. The moon peeked in through broken window panes. It was probably about 2 am. 

Feitan forced himself to relax and shrugged. “Sure, Danchou.” It was almost a whisper. 

Chrollo wove around several large crates, the interrogator trailing behind,  to where a small fire had been built on the concrete floor. Small packing boxes had been pulled up close as seats. Phinks and Shalnark were there and Feitan stopped. 

Chrollo settled himself on a box. Feitan stared at them from out of the shadows. 

_ What was that look on his face?  Not …  _ fear. 

Chrollo's excellent control almost slipped. 

“Feitan, please,” he patted the box next to him ”sit. I don't want to talk to you across the room. And it's cold.”

Feitan glanced at Phinks and Shalnark. Phinks was chain smoking and looked like a man waiting for his wife to have a baby and Shalnark was minus his almost ever present smile. 

“We’re worried about you, Feitan,” Chrollo said softly. 

The little man frowned and stared hard at the floor. 

“Really, really worried, Fei,” Phinks said, huffing out a cloud of smoke. 

“You always so girly,”  Feitan said in mock disgust. “Embarrassing.”

“Come on, Fei,” Shalnark urged. ”Spill.”

“Tch!”  Feitan pushed a small rock around the floor with his toe, hunched into his tunic, hands jammed into his pockets. 

His three friends stayed silent and, finally, he joined them. He had to hop up onto the crate, an action that Phinks found adorable. He loved how tiny Feitan was compared to him. He scowled and swallowed hard. “What's going on Fei?”

Chrollo sent a dark look his way. Danchou was supposed to have started them off. 

“You're acting oddly.” Chrollo began

“I doing my job!” Feitan insisted shrilly. 

Chrollo held out soothing hands. “Of course you are. And you're not letting the Troupe down in any way. “

Feitan nodded fiercely, fists clenched at his side. 

“Like I said, this is about  _ you.” _ Chrollo said. 

“What is it, Fei?” Phinks asked in a choked voice. “Is everything ok?  Are _you_ ok?”

Shalnark put a reassuring hand on the larger mans arm. 

“I've never seen you act this way before.” Chrollo said softly

Feitan's head went down and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I … I never felt like this before.”

Chrollo was determined to wait him out but the excitable Phinks wouldn't shut up. 

“Where do you go when you leave?”  He asked

“Bookstore,” Feitan said promptly. 

“A bookstore?” Chrollo said. He and Feitan were the only real readers in the Troupe. But what's so fascinating about a bookstore?

Feitan kept his eyes on the fire and he was blushing hotly in the chilly warehouse. 

After a long pause: “There … girl.”

“Girl?” Phinks and Chrollo both echoed in unison. 

“What girl?!” Phinks demanded

“Girl in bookstore, idiot!”

Phinks threw up his hands “So?  Do you want to kill her, or fuck her, or what?!”

“Fuck her, stupid!” Feitan snarled, then cringed .  “No! No fuck. Not like that …” He buried his dark head in both hands. 

“You … _ like  _ this girl?” Shalnark asked carefully

The dark head nodded miserably. 

Chrollo sat in shock. The expression on his friend's face had broken his heart. 

The most capable and trustworthy spider he had … had a crush. 

Phinks was in his element now. Phinks loved women and chased them (largely unsuccessfully) everywhere the Troupe went. 

“Whoa!  Is she pretty?  Does she have nice tits?”

Shalnark rolled his eyes. 

“Does she know you wanna fuck her?” Phinks asked

“No, stupid!” Feitan said “I not like you. Like a dog humping leg!  I just talk. “

The smaller man gestured in frustration. 

“All life … every time find girl. I horny, she horny, we fuck, never even know her name. This girl not like that.“

Feitan blushed. “More like when we …” he gestured between Chrollo, Phinks, and himself. 

Phinks colored up to his ears, Danchou merely smiled. 

“So you're sure she doesn't know yet that you like her?” Chrollo asked.

Feitan shook his head, a grim expression on his face. 

“And she _ not  _ know.”

“What?”

Feitan's fists clenched so tightly the knuckles showed white “She  _ never _ like me!”

“Why not?”

Feitan's voice hitched. “ I kill. I steal. I torture. Could die any time. No way I have smart girl with pretty eyes and soft hands.”  His voice grew faint in the emptiness of the big warehouse. “No way I have someone look forward to see me.”


	2. Chapter two

\---  
But three days later he was gone again.

The little interrogator slipped up the alleyway beside the bookshop, looked around out of nervous habit, and eased inside when someone else opened the door.  He wandered back into the shelves, making sure she didn’t see him.  He didn’t want her to think he was some weirdo.

He snorted to himself at that thought.

Luck was not with him tonight, though.  He rounded the end of a bookcase and almost cannoned into her.  The stack of books she was holding slithered to the floor.

“Oh, my god!” she shrieked.

“I sorry!”

Feitan knelt and began picking up the books.

“When did you get here?!” she said a little breathlessly, her small hand pressed to an ample bosom.  Feitan looked up and slowed his book collecting.  The view from down there was great.  Bonnie was a bit taller than him and a bit plump.  Her generous breasts and hips were in classic proportion to her small waist, a configuration that made Feitan drool.  Also, kneeling put him at eye level with her crotch in her fitted jeans, which caused his mind to wander.

Bonnie crouched down and took the books from him. “Don’t scare me like that!”

Feitan could sense that she was irritated but didn’t know if it was with him or not.  She stood, looking down at him.  Her eyes were an odd pale green.

“Was there another book you were looking for?”

Feitan shook his head mutely and she frowned.  “Well, I have to get back to work.”  

 

\---

Feitan trudged into the warehouse and over to his little section. It was before midnight. He absently picked up a pair of pliers and wiped nonexistent dust off of them with his sleeve. 

Phinks could sense his friend's mood and made a beeline for him. “Things not go well?”

Feitan sighed. 

“Did you see your girl?  You're back early”

“I see her. She mad. “

“At you?”  Phinks offered Feitan his cigarette and the other took it, taking a deep drag. 

“Dunno.”

“Well, tell me what happened. Maybe I can help.” Phinks settled himself down against the wall. The smaller man dropped down beside him, tucking his feet up neatly. 

“She yell.”

“Yeah but was it at you?  Girls get mad all the time and no one knows why.” Phinks said wisely. 

“She not talk to me. Maybe she tired of me”

“Nah!  That can't be true. She doesn't know you” he snapped his fingers suddenly. “Do something for her!  Steal her something!” Phinks said “girls love gifts!”

 

Feitan had no idea what to get for Bonnie.   Machi liked pretty underthings (not that he'd ever seen them on her - but she talked about them a lot.). The thought of underthings and Bonnie both embarrassed him and made him hard so those were out. Paku had liked jewelry but even Feitan knew that jewelry held special significances that were unknown to him. Better play it safe and let that one go. 

He mooned around outside the bookshop for two days, hidden, watching her leave work and following her home. He felt guilty and stalkerish. But he couldn't help himself. He always waited until her lights went out before leaving. 

On the third day was when he saw him. 

Feitan had seen him before,  a tall spindly guy with dirty blonde hair. He'd been in the bookstore several times. But this time he was with her. 

 

He had also been waiting outside the shop, smoking and dropping his butts on the sidewalk. When Bonnie came out he called her by name. Feitan almost forgot to withdraw back into the shadows so she wouldn't see him. 

The man stopped her and she seemed startled. He gripped her arm familiarly and bent in close to speak to her. Feitan's hands closed into fists. 

After a moment Bonnie pulled away and walked off but the man followed her. Feitan drifted behind like a dark ghost. 

At her tiny apartment there was another hushed conversation mostly him talking. Finally she unlocked the stairwell door and went up. The skinny man followed her, smiling. 

\---

Feitan didn't go back to the hideout that night. He spent the time walking the dark streets, smoking. At some point he stole a bottle of whiskey and drank all of it as he walked. Around noon the next day he found himself in the alley next to the bookstore. He smashed the empty liquor bottle viciously against the brick wall, grinning in satisfaction at the noise of the glass breaking. The action caused him to stagger and hit the wall back first, sliding down into a sitting position.

After a bit he dozed. 

 

Feitan was awoken by a crash. He blinked trying to determine where he was. He was still pretty drunk. The alley came into focus and he realized that the crash was the back door to the bookstore hitting the wall. 

Bonnie stood there, boxes in hand, staring down at him. 

Feitan didn't bother trying to move. He just looked blearily up at her, hands loose between his knees. 

Bonnie dropped the boxes and put her hand to her mouth. She looked … disturbed?  Concerned?

“You …” Feitan searched through the cotton wool in his brain. “You ... sooooo pretty.”

She crouched beside him. “What are you doing?”  It was almost a whisper like she didn't want anyone to hear. 

“I drunk.” He offered. He raised a hand and tried to touch her arm but missed. 

“I can see that,” she murmured. “But why are you drunk and why are you _ here _ ?!”  She looked furtively down the alley toward the street. 

“You have boyfrien’”. Feitan declared

She stared at him. “What …?”

“You fucking him?  You let him touch you?!”. The thief’s voice rose at the end. He tried again to touch her arm and succeeded in gripping her above her elbow.

“You skin so soft. “ he crooned, then remembered his train of thought “No fuck him!  he no …”. His English vocabulary failed him. “ He no … should … get you.”

The young woman shook his hand off angrily “what are you talking about?!  I can … be with anyone I want!  Who are you to say? My god, I just met you!”

She crossed her arms over her chest and glared.  Feitan was charmed. He bent forward, wrapping his arms around her hips and burying his face in her belly, muffling his voice. 

“I want you let me touch. Only me”


	3. Chapter three

When Feitan awoke again it was with an epic headache and lying on a couch in a room he did not recognize.   He tried to sit up and failed, falling back, both hands on his head, groaning. 

“Awake are we?” A voice said. 

He turned his disaster of a head to see Bonnie. 

She had a glass of water and a handful of painkillers. “Water? Or ... “ she nodded to the end table behind his head. “Orange juice?”

The thief gagged suddenly and Bonnie grabbed a small trash can next to the couch. He emptied his stomach into the receptacle and fell back, hand to his mouth, embarrassed. He turned his face away from her. 

“It's all right,” she said gently, tipping his face back toward her and wiping it with a cool cloth.  Feitan leaned into her hand and stifled a moan. “Feel good,” he whispered. 

She brought the other hand up to steady his head, combing her fingers through his blue-black hair, unconsciously rubbing his temple with her thumb. His steel grey eyes never left her face. 

He gently grabbed her wrist. “What about boyfriend?”

She shrugged off his hand and stood. “God, you’re persistent! Number one, he's my ex boyfriend. So ...”

“He go up to you room.”

Bonnie frowned. “How do you know that?”

Feitan realized his mistake too late. He ducked his head. God, he was bad at this. 

“You … you've been watching me?!”

“I …”

“Oh my god!  You’re a stalker!  You stalk me at my job, spy on me, and I was stupid enough to bring your drunk ass here!”

“Bah-nee”. It was the first time he had ever said her name. He broke it into two distinct syllables, emphasis on the last. “I sorry.”

“You keep saying that!” Bonnie crossed her arms tightly. “And  _ he _ came to get some of his stuff. Yes, he tried to get in my pants but I kicked him out!”  She shifted uncomfortably. “He's been harassing me for weeks.”

“I kill him for you,” Feitan offered. He reached out and stroked her knee, the only part he could reach. 

She smiled despite herself. “No, don't kill him.”

Feitan kept rubbing her knee. “You no fuck him?”

“Oh my god!  Can you be more blunt?!”

The little thief was at a loss. He thought he was being pretty clear. 

“I no talk good,” he murmured. “I just want you.”

“Want to sleep with me, I assume?”

“Want to taste you, want to kiss you, want to lick you, want to put hands everywhere,” Feitan paused, mesmerized by the mental picture. 

Bonnie was pink up to the tips of her ears, a hand pressed to her mouth. 

“Damn, you move fast, don't you?”

“Fastest in Troupe” Feitan bragged, then realized he'd said a second thing he shouldn't have. He fell silent. His fingers curled around the back of her knee and he touched up her thigh as far as he could reach - about a hand span. If only she would move closer. 

She bent and slapped his hand away briskly. “Stop that, pervert.  Here. Drink some water.“

Feitan obeyed meekly, sipping at the cool drink. For a second he thought he was going to vomit again but it passed. Wow, what a sterling candidate for lover he was. He curled into a ball facing the back of the couch and fell asleep again. 

\---

When Feitan awoke again he was still on Bonnie's couch. He felt much better. He felt even better when he discovered Bonnie sitting asleep at the end of the couch, his feet in her lap. She had partially undressed him. His tunic was off, and his boots. He felt incredibly embarrassed.

She had apparently wiped him off with a cloth.  He felt clean, even his feet. 

He wondered if it was possible to die of embarrassment.

No one had touched Feitan’s feet in his memory. He stared at her, fascinated. She dozed, her head bent, his small, pale feet on her lap, her soft hands loosely curled around them. 

Feitan had no memory of his mother but he imagined that this was the sort of act a mother performed. It was much more intimate to him than putting his dick in someone's mouth. 

He wriggled his toes experimentally. Her hands responded immediately, gripping gently.

He grinned like a doofus.

\---

Bonnie awoke about an hour later.  She started up and focussed on Feitan.  He looked apprehensively at her.

But she smiled sleepily.  “You feel better?”

Feitan smiled a shy, crooked, smile and nodded eagerly.

Bonnie yawned and rubbed his feet gently.  He sucked in a startled breath.  It felt so good.  He searched her face.  Was this sort of thing possible?  Did people get to be this happy?  Was it possible that he, Feitan, who had once survived by eating out of garbage cans in Meteor City, could have a kind woman to take care of him?

He swallowed hard.

“Hey,” Bonnie said. “Are you hungry?  I could make something.”

She stood and covered his feet with the blanket. “I can’t guarantee it’ll be any good.”  She blushed.  “I’m not a very good cook.”

Feitan sat up. “It OK.  You don't have to be anything. Just be Bah-nee!”

Bonnie smiled.  "You are weird."

“I cook!  I cook good!  I make you Chinese food.” Feitan said, eagerly. “You like chinese food?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever tasted real Chinese food.  Just that stuff they serve in America.”

Feitan stood and walked into the tiny kitchen, Bonnie trailing behind.

“You got …?” He didn't know any of the english words for vegetables. He yanked open the fridge and rummaged inside.

“Ah!” A cabbage appeared over his shoulder. “Take.  What that?”

Bonnie giggled. “A cabbage.”

“And this?”

“Broccoli”

“Bok lee?  Like Bok Choy?”

“Ohh!” Bonnie edged in front of the fridge beside him. “I’ve got some of that!”  Feitan surreptitiously let his hand settle on her back as she bent in.  She held up the green and white veg triumphantly.

“Good!”  Feitan nudged the fridge shut with his hip.

“You got rice?”

“Yep”

“Uhh …” he frowned. “Smelly stuff, round.”

“Garlic?”

“Gah lik?  Make you eyes cry?”

“Oh!  Onions!  Yes!”  Bonnie pointed to them.

“Got wok?”

“Oh … err.  No.”

“Is OK.”  Before Bonnie knew it the thief was up on top of her counter, on his knees, rattling through her cupboards.

“I’ve got a stool!”

“No need stool!”  His hand emerged with a large skillet.  “See?”  he hopped down, grabbed the cutting board, and to her surprise produced a knife out of somewhere in his trousers.  She peered over his shoulder at it.

“What …?”

“It sharp,” he said, “Really, really sharp.  Better for …” He hesitated.

“Cutting vegetables?”

“Yes!”  he bent over his task.

After a few minutes of silence and the sounds of very efficient cutting, Feitan was searching his brain for something to talk about.  He was not a good talker in any situation but to a girl he liked?  The two of them alone in her appartment?  And in a third language?  He stifled a groan.

Why couldn't he just spend an hour letting his mouth and his hands wander over every centimetre of her body?  He was pretty sure he could make her understand how he felt.  He dumped a double handful of paper thin sliced onions next to the heating skillet and got an idea.

“So … you American?”

Bonnie nodded. “Yep.”

“You talk funny.”

Bonnie laughed, “I talk funny?  You’re the one who talks funny!”

“I no talk funny.  I talk perfect.” he said assuming a pose of offended pride. Bonnie laughed delightedly and he turned to watch her, grinning.

“I like you laugh.”

Bonnie blushed at that and dropped her head.  Feitan blushed too and turned reluctantly back to his vegetables.

“And you are …?” Bonnie began hesitantly. “Chinese?”

“Part.  Father … well, man who _ say  _ he father, Chinese.” Feitan said matter-of-factly.  “Raised me few years.  Mother something else though.”

“Your mother was …?”

Feitan stilled, head bowed, looking down at his deadly knife but not seeing it.  He couldn’t bring himself to lie to her. 

“Don’t know.  Don't know anything for sure.  Mother was … mother was …”

Bonnie was suddenly right behind him.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to dredge up any pain.”  She put a hand gently on his back.

“No.  Need to tell you.”  He wouldn't turn around toward her, though. “Mother a … was a … “ his voice dropped to a whisper. “She … did sex for money.”

“She was a prostitute,” Bonnie said faintly. “That’s why you don't know for sure if the Chinese man was really your father.”

Feitan looked at her with an apprehension that was almost fear.  He hadn’t felt like this since he was a child.  Was his wonderful dream going to be this brief?

“You … no like me now?”  He whispered.

Bonnie blinked.  “What?”  She took in the stricken look on his face.

“Oh my god!”

Bonnie launched herself at the man. Feitan barely got the knife out of the way in time as she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly enough that he couldn’t breathe.

“What your mother was has nothing to do with you!  I don’t care about any of that!”

Feitan shyly put his arms around her and dropped his head onto her shoulder.  She felt so good.  So safe.

\---

“He’s been gone _four days,_ Boss.”

Phinks was pacing back and forth, alternately wringing his hands and slicking back his hair.

Chrollo watched him quietly.  “I’m pretty sure Fei can take care of himself.”

“But what about  _ the girl _ ?!” Phinks hissed.

_ Jealous, _ thought Chrollo.  Then he realised that he was a bit jealous, too.  Feitan had been the first comrade he had in Meteor City.  They'd been friends since they were children, trying to survive on their own in the stinking piles of rubbish.

And now his oldest friend might get to be …  _ happy _ . 

Chrollo stood, smoothing down the fur of his coat collar. “Ok. We'll go. Just to have some peace of mind. “

\---

Feitan perched on a chair like a bird. Bonnie had a western style table with chairs and Feitan was unused to eating when not sitting on the ground.  

“You eat with these?”  He asked, brandishing chopsticks he'd found in a drawer

“Yes!  Why do you think I have them?”

“Show,“ Feitan said promptly. “Impress skinny Japanese men.”

Bonnie snorted. “Wait. Why do I have a spoon?”  Feitan had made rice, soup, and stir fried vegetables. 

“For soup.”

“I thought you just drank the soup.”

Feitan grimaced. “No. Not drink soup in China. Use spoon. We civilized.“

Bonnie giggled. 

 

\---

 

Phinks and Chrollo walked toward town.  Both had their hands in their pockets and seemed relaxed.  This was a lie.

Chrollo, despite his calm outward demeanor, was getting more and more worried as they neared town.

Phinks’s emotions were just under a thin veneer of calm. It didn't take much for them to bubble up to the surface. He spoke first.

“Do you …?  You don’t think …” he swallowed. “You don't think Fei will leave the Troupe, do you?”

Chrollo paled.  That was exactly his worry … and his hope.  If one of them could get away from this life.  Have a family.  Be happy.

“No one’s ever left.” he said quietly. “Except by dying.”

But if Fei left he would be without his closest friend and his strongest spider.  Could he go on?  Uvo was gone, and Paku, and Hisoka turned out to not be a spider at all.

Chrollo ducked his head and walked faster.


	4. Chapter four

\---

It didn't take Chrollo and Phinks an hour to find Bonnie’s bookstore, her name, and her address.  They approached the building with mixed feelings.

It was Phinks’s idea to just bust in.  In retrospect Chrollo realised that this was a _really_ bad idea.  It was Feitan after all.  In love or not, bad idea.

In the end - all of which took about three minutes - Phinks was on the floor with Feitan’s foot on his head and Chrollo was feverishly searching through his book for something that would keep him alive if Feitan snapped.

The little man was stood in the middle of Bonnie’s living room, Phinks under him, his Danchou pressed against the sofa, and his aura licking up the walls like hellfire. Feitan cackled maniacally.  It was so hot that the curtains were catching fire.

Chrollo closed his eyes and remembered that pain was pain. Physical or emotional.

Feitan was desperately in love.  They had come to challenge that.

_ Bad,  _ _ bad idea. _

\---

Chrollo squeezed his eyes shut.  So this was it.  He would die by the hand of his dearest friend.  

It was so hot. He couldn’t breathe. The fur on Chrollo's jacket whipped back and forth in the burning backdraft.

“Feitan.”

What a calm voice, Chrollo thought.  Is this Death?

“Feitan.”

Well, Death was a female.  That made sense though.  Only females could produce life.  It made sense that one of them would be the one to take it.

Chrollo’s head nodded.  He was losing consciousness.

Wait.  

He took a shallow breath.

Was it cooler?  He tried to look up.  It  _ was  _ cooler.  Phinks was on the floor but looked OK.  Chrollo looked around.  The room was calm and still - though hot - and his dearest friend, his best spider, was there.  He was folded quietly in the arms of an unremarkable woman, his head on her shoulder. 

 

Ten minutes later Bonnie was pressing a cold cloth to Phinks’s temple and Feitan was crouched in front of him, his hand on his friend's knee.

“I sorry,” The little thief said.

Phinks smiled crookedly.  “Ahh, it’s OK.  You always could take me in a fight, Fei.  You OK, Boss?”

Chrollo was wiping ash off of his coat. 

“Other than being a little cooked, I’m fine.”

Bonnie glanced a bit nervously from man to man.  Explanations had been fast and confusing with Feitan anxiously trying to tell Bonnie everything without actually telling her  _ everything _ .  Chrollo had had to supply details.  

They were thieves.  They were world famous thieves with bounties on their heads.  No, Feitan hadn't been kidding when he had offered to kill her ex.  Yes, that hellstorm of heat had been Feitan using an ability Bonnie had never heard of: Nen.  Only a tiny part of his ability.  No she shouldn’t be frightened, Feitan would never hurt her, Feitan loved her more than his own life.

“So,” said Chrollo. “I’ll send someone around tomorrow to clean all of this up.  In the meantime, Fei, we came to ask you what you were going to do now.”

Phinks looked nervously at his best friend.  Feitan looked nervously at Bonnie.

“Do?” Bonnie asked.

Chrollo spread his hands. “Well … it’s a bit awkward -”

“Are you leaving the Troupe, Fei?” Phinks blurted out. “Are you leaving us … for her?”

Feitan stared at the floor.

“I - I no want to leave.  No want to leave Troupe or Bah-nee,” He mumbled.

He sat still, hunched into himself, picking at a fingernail.  After a moment his shoulders began to shake and his dark head jerked up.  He was crying.  “What I do, Bah-nee?  You want me to go?  Go away now?”

The small man rocked over onto his knees and shuffled close to her.  He clutched the fabric of her jeans and bent his head.

“I thief. Killer.  Bad man.  I understand if you want me to go.”  His voice broke on the last word.

Phinks and Chrollo each held their breath, each willing himself not to cry.

“Go?” Bonnie echoed, carding her fingers through Feitan’s hair. Her lip trembled.  “I - I can’t l-let you …”

Feitan gaped up at her. “You no want me to go?” He whispered. 

Tears ran down Bonnie’s face and dripped onto Feitan’s upturned one.

“You idiot!  I can’t … I can’t let you go now!  I .. I’m in …”

“Love?” Feitan breathed. “Love me?  Love Feitan?”

Bonnie bent down and kissed the little thief, holding his face in her hands, both of them crying.

\---

Phinks and Chrollo came by the next morning so that Chrollo could catch Feitan up on Troupe business before the two of them returned to the hideout.  Bonnie had left for work so Feitan answered the door.

Both spiders stared.

Feitan looked like he hadn’t slept at all.  His eyes were red and his normally unruly hair was a dishevelled mess.  He was dressed in only his clingy black boxers and smelled faintly of sweat.

_ Oh, no, _ Chrollo thought,  _ did they fight? _

“Jeez, Fei,” Phinks said.  “You OK?  You look like shit.”

The smaller man shrugged.  “Tired.  Need sleep.  Sore.”

_ Sore? _

“Well we won’t keep you long,” Chrollo said.  “We’ve only got one job lined up right n-”

Phinks suddenly stiffened.  Chrollo looked up at the blonde, frowning.  Feitan looked sleepily at the floor, absently scratching the back of his neck.

Phinks locked eyes with his Danchou and jerked his head to the side.

What?  Behind Feitan?

Chrollo looked around Feitan.  There was nothing there but the couch and the big screen tv.  Chrollo shrugged at Phinks who rolled his eyes back to the left.

Chrollo looked again, getting irritated.

Couch.  TV.  He could see their reflections in the blank screen, his and Phinks’s faces and Feitan’s ...

_ Oh. _

Feitan’s back and shoulders were striped with scratch marks.  He even had fingermark bruises on his hips.

_ Nope.  They hadn’t fought. _

Sore, indeed.  Bonnie had worn the little spider out last night.  Chrollo grinned and wondered how many times they’d done it.  Enough to exhaust  _ Feitan _ ?  Wow.

 

Later, as he and Phinks walked back to the hideout, Chrollo couldn’t stop smiling.

 


	5. Chapter five

\---

Chrollo paused in his instructions to the spiders about the next job.

“Fei?” 

Feitan jerked. “Danchou?”

“Youre not paying attention at all, are you OK?”

Feitan scrunched down into his scarf.  “Sorry, Danchou.  Just worried.  Bah-nee still sick.  I listen now.”

But Chrollo shoo’d the other Troupe membners away and put an arm around Feitan.  Phinks and Shalnark looked on worridly.

“Still?” Chrollo asked gently.

“Yeah.  She sick. She throw up, then eat, then throw up again.” Feitan’s voice took on a helpless, frustrated tone. “She so tired.  She sleep all the time.”

“I’ll send her to the best doctor in York New,” Chrollo promised.

Phinks rubbed his friends back. “Shit, that sucks Fei.  I hate barfing.  She’s doing it all day?  She’ll get dehydrated.”

Feitan shook his head. “No, she only throw up in morning.  Every morning!  I so worried!”

Shalnark suddenly sat up very straight.

Chrollo glanced at the blonde man.  Shalnark’s normally easygoing posture was stiff, his usually laughing eyes, sober.

Chrollo frowned at him.

 

The next morning the two of them trailed Bonnie through the streets.

“Are you sure?” Chrollo asked.

“Almost positive,” Shalnark said.

“Feitan …” Chrollo said.

“I know,” Shalnark replied grimly.

 

One half hour later the two men watched Bonnie leave a building.  A doctor’s office.  Ten minutes later they had themselves been in and back out with the information they wanted.

 

Now to break it to Phinks and confront Feitan.  Neither of them was looking forward to it.

\---

They cornered Feitan at the hideout the next day.

“Fei,” said Chrollo gently. Phinks and Shalnark crowded behind him. 

The interrogator looked up and was immediately on his guard. 

Chrollo held both hands up, palms out. 

“Fei, we have something to tell you.”

The look of fear on their friend’s face made the three men's hearts ache. 

“Bah-nee?” Feitan said faintly .  “Bah-nee, OK?”

“Yes, yes, she’s fine but there's something you should know”

Feitan looked from one to the other of them. 

“Bah-nee… gone?  With someone else?”

“No, no, no!” Phinks said

“Fei,“ Chrollo said, putting his hand on his friend's arm.  “Bonnie is pregnant.”

Feitan looked blank. 

“Pregnant, Fei” Phinks said pressing his hand to his stomach. 

The small man shook his head and blinked. He still wasn't getting it. 

“Fei,” Shalnark said. “Bonnie's going to have a baby”

Feitan's eyes went wide and he swayed on his feet. “Baby?”

“Yes, Fei,” Chrollo said. “Your baby.”

Feitan staggered and Phinks and Chrollo had to catch him and gently sit him down. 

“I give Bah-nee baby?”  The little thief spoke so quietly they had to lean in to hear him.

His friends nodded in unison. 

Feitan dropped his head into his hands and grabbed two tight fistful of his hair. “No.  No.  No.  No baby. “ He looked up sharply. “ Bah-nee die!” He wailed. “Or baby die and she go crazy!”

“No baby!” he said firmly. Chrollo knelt beside him and grabbed both his arms tight. “Stop. Fei. Just stop. I know we saw a lot of that but this isn't Meteor City. Nothing's going to happen to Bonnie.”

Phinks dropped into a crouch. “It'll be OK.  Fei, you're gonna be a dad.”

“NO!  No dad!  I be terrible dad. Baby turn out bad, like me!” Feitan was actually fighting them, sobbing and trying to get away. 

_ “What in the world is going on?” _

Chrollo, Phinks, and Shalnark cringed at the same time

Feitan bolted up and ran, sliding onto his knees in front of Bonnie, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her belly. “I sorry!  I sorry!  I so sorry, Bah-nee!”  His voice was a broken muffled howl and Bonnie held him tight and glared death at the other three men. 

“What is he sorry  about?”  She hissed, low. “What have you done to upset him?”

Chrollo ran a hand over his slicked back hair. “We … we may have told him …”

“We know about the baby,” Shalnark said

Bonnie went very, very still. 

Feitan stood up, looking anxiously into her face. “Bah-nee?  I sorry.” He wrung his hands. ”It go away?” He asked uncertainly. ”You get rid of it?”

Bonnie’s face went as cold and as still as marble. 

When she looked at Feitan the naked hurt and betrayal on her face was frightening. Feitan realized he had made the worst mistake of his life. 

All four men shrank back from her. 

“Feitan.”  She said, her voice breaking, and turned on her heel and walked out the door. 

“Bah-nee. Bah-nee! NO!  No, no, no!  No leave!” Feitan screamed. “No leave me!”  Phinks and Shalnark tackled him as he got to the door. They could hear the car she was driving crank and spin backwards and away. 

Feitan knelt where they tackled him, curled into a tight ball, his forehead on the cold floor. He wept without stopping, like a child. “No. No. No. No leave me. No leave Feitan”

\---

Phinks sat with Feitan for a bit and then Chrollo. They rubbed his back and talked to him encouragingly. He never moved, but sat curled there in front of the door, sometimes quiet, some times sobbing, sometimes talking to the floor in Chinese.

In a bizarre turn of events it was Hisoka who helped. 

The magician showed up about midnight. 

“I hear congratulations are in order.” He said to Franklin, Shalnark, and Chrollo by the fire.  None of them looked at him. 

“Uh, oh” the redhead said quietly. 

Franklin nodded his huge head toward where Feitan sat balled up on the floor, Phinks by his side. 

“Oh, dear.” Hisoka said. “The baby…?”

“Fine” Chrollo said. “Fei … didn't take the news well. He … he asked Bonnie if she was going to get rid of it.”

Hisoka eyes widened.

“She's gone” Shalnark said. 

\---

Hisoka sat by the fire and studied Feitan. After a while he stood and crossed to where the small theif was. Phinks looked up and glowered. “Come to gloat?”

“Not at all,” Hisoka said. “May I?”  He indicated the floor. 

Phinks frowned but didn't stop him. The lanky man crouched. 

Feitan was crooning to himself. Some song Hisoka had heard before but couldn't place. Then he remembered. It was a nursery rhyme. Common amongst the ragged and dirty abandoned kids in Meteor City. Funny how kids can still play under the worst conditions. 

“I remember my mom,” Hisoka said suddenly. 

Phinks glared at him but Feitan went quiet. 

“I know a lot of you don't. Or the memories are bad. Mine are good.“ Hisoka played with a strand of his hair, thinking. “She wasn't around long.”

There was a pause.  Phinks could sense Feitan listening and held his breath.  Everyone by the fire was quiet.

“I sometimes think I'd like to have a kid,” Hisoka said

Phinks stared. 

“Just to pass down what I know. “ The redhead sat quiet for a bit, studying his nails. “Y’ know, train someone as strong as me.”

He shrugged, an elegant gesture. “ I guess what I'm saying is that all we have learned, all the skills we have gained because our lives were shit. Well I guess we could teach those to someone. So they wouldn't have to go through it.”

Feitan sat up abruptly, his face a swollen mess from crying. 

Hisoka smiled at him. “Do you think your… Bonnie is it?  Is a good person?  Will she make a good mom?”

Tears ran down Feitan's face. “Sh-she make best m-mother. “

“Well, she's clearly going to keep it. And she'll do a good job raising it, right?”

Feitan nodded, almost desperately. 

“So tell her you want her. Tell her you want your baby. “

“It might be a son.” Phinks supplied. “A little Feitan running around.  Weird sticky outie hair and squinchy eyes”

Feitan looked at his friend. “Boy?”

“Sure. Your son. Feitan Jr.”

Hisoka laughed. “Can I fight him when he's older?” He asked, standing. 

Feitan looked up at him. “He be strong. You no beat him. “

The tall redhead chuckled and turned back toward the fire. 

\---

Chrollo, Shalnark, Phinks, and Franklin had all brainstormed on what to bring to Bonnie to soften her up. 

In the end they decided that Feitan himself would be enough.

The little thief was scrubbed clean, dressed in fresh clothes, and escorted to Bonnie's apartment. 

There was a moving van out front. 

Feitan panicked, of course. 

Chrollo decided that this needed his particular finesse or perhaps one of his stolen nen abilities. 

Chrollo walked slowly and majestically up the steps frowning at the movers. In the hall he encountered Bonnie. 

She bristled at him. “What do you want?”

“Are you happy?”  Chrollo said in his quiet voice. Bonnie drew back. 

“What?”

“I asked; are you happy?”

Bonnie's face paled. 

“Well?  I want to know because my dearest friend is not happy. In fact he's miserable. He’s the strongest man I know and right now he’s more dead than alive.”

Bonnie drew herself up. 

_ Ahh this is the Bonnie I know. Feitan's girl _ thought Chrollo 

“I am happy. I'm happy I'm carrying a healthy baby. I'm not happy that that baby’s father ... “ She choked up. “Doesn't want him …”

Chrollo gripped her arms “But he does!  He does want the baby!  He was just startled.”

Bonnie sobbed. “He… he said … he wanted me to ... “

Bonnie burst into tears, hugging Chrollo tightly. “I-i want this baby so bad. I want Feitan's baby!  I love him so much Ch-Chrollo!”

She dissolved into tears at that point and all Chrollo could do was hold her and feel happy for his friend and sad for himself. What was his legacy?

Feitan came up the steps so fast the human eye couldn't track him. He clung to Bonnie like a barnacle. “I so sorry! I love you. I love baby. Please. Please. No leave me!“

Bonnie regarded the top of his head, pushing her fingers through his straight blue-black hair. 

“If you don't want to be a dad, Feitan,  then we need to - “

“I be .. dad! I be … “. Feitan reached out tentatively and touched her belly. 

“He really in there?”

Bonnie laughed. “Yeah”

“I be good father! Promise! Be good father! No leave.  Be here … “ he gripped her tight. “ be here, always!”


	6. Chapter six

Bonus epilog

 

Chrollo, Feitan, and a very pregnant Bonnie sat in the shade of the old church waiting for Phinks to return with Nobunaga whom they hadn't seen in over two years.  Chrollo had his eye on some gold coins a mobster had blackmailed from someone.  Bonnie wanted the Troupe to donate to a children's hospital in York New.  Win-win: there would be enough for that and some leftover to splurge on.

 

Chrollo and Bonnie talked in low tones about their plan. Feitan dozed underneath his scarf, his left hand on Bonnie’s thigh, and a little black haired boy - about two and also sound asleep - slung over his right shoulder like a sack of meal.  Another sturdy boy, about five, was nearby.  He had straight black hair long enough so that his mother had tied it up, and fine grey eyes that tipped up at the edges.  He held a wooden katana and was terrorizing the local foliage.

Two little girls, one light, one dark, both about four, sat in the dust and chattered happily.

“My daddy is so tall!” said the one with wavy black hair and huge green eyes.

“My daddy is taller,” said the blonde matter of factly.

“Everyone is taller than my papa” said the dark one.

The two giggled and Bonnie glanced at Feitan, hoping he hadn't heard.  The dark girl skipped up to Chrollo.  “Daddy?  Who is taller, You or uncle Phinks?”

Chrollo caressed the girl lovingly. “Definitely Uncle phinks, Kai.  He’s even taller than Uncle Hisoka.”

It was Chrollo's turn to glance at the dozing man in black.  Feitan would start breaking things if he heard Hisoka given uncle status.

Suddenly two figures loomed out of the dust and heat.

“Daddy!” the blonde girl screamed and launched herself at the tall figure of Phinks who swept her up and over his head.  “What is it, Phebes?  You'd think I was gone for days and not a few hours!”

“Nobunaga!” Chrollo said, standing. “I thought Phinks had gotten you lost.”

The two men embraced then Nobunaga focussed on Bonnie.

“Bonnie!” he said, “Another?!”

Bonnie stroked her belly and smiled a cheshire cat smile.

“What do you expect?” Phinks boomed. “They do it, like, twice a day.  Like goddamned rabbits.”

“What rabbits, Daddy?”  the blond girl asked from her perch on Phinks’s shoulders.

Phinks blushed. “Oh nothing, Phoebe love.  Daddy was just …”

“Uncle Feitan says sometimes your mouth doesn't know when to stop.” Phoebe said helpfully.

Chrollo and Nobunaga stifled chuckles and Phinks went brick red.

“UH … Yeah.  That’s right my Phoebe love.”  He slung her gently down to the ground.

“Tan.” Bonnie said,” Come meet Uncle Nobu”

The older boy came close.  He moved like his father, like a predator.  He fixed the tall skinny man in his storm grey gaze, swept the katana respectfully out of the way, and bowed.

Nobunaga bent and gripped his shoulder.  “Impressive.  Every bit your father’s son.  And you will have a warrior's hair soon!” he said indicating his own straight black locks tied up at the back of his head.

The baby on Feitan's shoulder suddenly sneezed and woke, Feitan waking with him.  The small man grinned at the little boy and spoke in Chinese.  The baby squealed and tried to eat a fistful of Feitan’s hair.

“Fei!”

“Nobu.”

“This one wasn’t born when we met last.” Nobunaga said.  The baby turned to look at him, cat like eyes a stunning green, but quickly lost interest.  He abandoned Feitan’s hair and began chewing on his skull scarf instead. 

“God, yours look just like you,” Nobunaga said. “Nothing of Bonnie except the eyes.”

“Personality.” Feitan grunted, sitting up. “And brains. They good. Smart. Compassionate.”

“Oh don’t even try to be all big, bad, Gen’ei Ryodan.” Bonnie laughed.

“Am bad.” said Feitan.  He leaned over to her chair. “And parts of me big.  Wanna see?”

Bonnie giggled and they kissed slowly and deeply until the baby protested being squashed between them.

“See?!” Phinks said. “See that?   _ That’s _ why they have a herd of kids!”

The dark haired girl, Kai, appeared at Feitan’s elbow flashing her best smile.  “Papa, can I hold the baby?” Feitan glanced at Bonnie and the clever Kai realised she was losing.  She stomped her foot and turned to Chrollo. “Daddy!  Get Papa to let me hold Lau!”

“I wanna hold Lau, too, Unca Chrollo!” wailed Phoebe.

Chrollo stood and every child stilled.  “OK lets all just go in where it's cool.” Chrollo lifted the plump baby off of Feitan and cuddled him close. “Now. Who wants me to read to them?”  And the leader of the infamous Gen’ei Ryodan went inside the abandoned church like the pied piper, surrounded by children.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this senseless fluff! If you have any kind words please leave a comment!  
> If you enjoyed this work, there's a short, fluffy sequel [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11352429)


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